8/6/06 11:00
Morning
Spoke to Clay at length this morning. D. had a rough night, all of the medications that were causing to her to bound up (yuk) were finally overcome by the one they were giving her cancel them out. She was up most of the night. She needed another two units of blood. They are not giving her whole blood, red blood cells only. The comment he made about the low plalet count referred to the little hole they had poked in her arm for the IV. They had removed the IV and D. knocked the little wad of cotton and bandaid off. Pete says blood was dripping like a faucet. She had another round of Chemo this morning 05:30. Clay was on his way to the house to get cleaned up and see the kids.
posted by Anonymous @ 11:29 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Deana has another dose of chemotherapy this morning. Actually two different doses. These doses are both different than the first three days. She is not reacting well to them. She cant sit up without getting dissy and throwing up. The throwing up occurs despite the anti nausea medication. Today looks like a no visit day for the kids. Deana also recieved 6 units of platlets. Hopefully the day will get better. Who can answer the question: How many days can one survive on 2 to 3 hours of sleep? I will answer that soon I think. Will right again soon.
My wife is sleeping and as usual my inevitable brain is unwilling to stop thinking and processing. One question that I can not answer or deal with is why? I know Tyna or Tonya could give me the chemical and bodily description of why it occurs. Actually at this point so could I. And Mom has repeatedly told me that God has everything planned and everything happens for a reason. None of those answers quite the simple one word question that haunts my sleep and drives my anger to where I can taste it in the back of my throat, why? Why does a 27 year old mother of two get cancer. Why does a five year old get cancer for that matter. I can understand a person who smoked thirty years and gets lung cancer. I do not wish it upon him but I can understand it. Why does this random disease called cancer randomly hit good unsuspecting, undeserving souls. What crime or sin as she committed to make her have this disease. And the last why is like the first thought Dad and I shared, why not me instead. Sorry for rambling.
"Why?" ... the one question that lurks in the corners of, not just your's, but all of our minds endlessly. There isn't one of us that hasn't thought that the very same thing in the last few days. That question must be as old as time.
Think of how many times that we have asked it, and as children only got the answer "because" or the dreaded "because I said so."
In those times, our parents knew that our childlike reasoning wouldn't be able to understand the bigger picture. We would kick and scream (until Dad got ahold of us ;~) and them mutter that life isn't fair! And in our heart of hearts we couldn't understand why our parents were being so cruel.
As a parent, we have all said, "because." And sometimes, we say it, because there is no better answer. Even if we tried to explain it, they wouldn't believe us anyways.
Mom's faith is so much stronger than mine, but I do believe that God exists in every bit of goodness in our lives.
When you want to shake you hands at heaven and scream, "Why!" Look in the face of your wife and children ... God is there. Walk outside and hold Deana's hand - feel the breeze in your hair and the sun on your face ... God is there. Appreciate the kindesses of the doctor and nurses ... God is there. Look at Mom, and the fact that she can physically be there for you ... God is definetly there!! Look inside of you and see the strenght that you didn't even know that you had ... God is there.
Lean on those around you and see God in all of us. We are there for you. We love you!!
Thanks for keeping us "in touch" Dad. It's nice to have those bits of news. So glad that Deana gets to go home. I think that it will be the best thing for her. She needs those little ones around her for their quick hugs and kisses.
Okay I cant figure out how to post on the site itself so i hope all of you find this. Deana had a rough day. She spent most of the day in front of the toilet. Which may be a first for her, minus the morning after highschool parties, and the morning sickness issues. We went in to the clinic to have labs done and ended up having to see the doctor. The doctor gave Deana an IV with the stongest anti-nausea medicine known to man. It was suppose to last 36 hours. It worked instantly and while Deana was still hooked up to the IV she had some cheese its. The IV finished, they took blood for the lab report. I began to drive Deana home and she decided to throw up Cheese Its all over and in the car. My driving is not that bad. The rest of the day went like that. Deana would lay in bed until I forced her to get up and eat something. She would get up, eat, throw up, and get back in bed. I finally had enough and called the doctor at 1700. The doctor told me Deana wasn't ready for real food yet and to give her apple juice, chicken broth, water, gatorade, and lots of fluid like things. Deana drank a cup and a half of apple juice and was able to get down her nightly medication. She is sleeping now. Not a bad finish to a not so good day. Thank you everyone for the advice and the responses to "why". All of them were helpfull and would have been more helpful had I read them sooner. Dad yelled at me tonight and told me that I have met my match. I cannot shoulder this burden on my own, I cannot pull everyone threw this, I cannot will Deana to be better. I also talked to a fellow Deputy who battled Lukemia a couple of years ago. He told me that he too does not know why, but that today he was able to help another person with their problem that if he had not had Lukemia he would not have been able to help. He also said that he and his wife are alot closer because of his Lukemia and who knows where they would be if hadn't of had it. The answer may not lie in the past but in a future we do not know. All of those comments and all of your comments made me realize that not only can I not do this alone I don't have too. Thank you for your love and support, and expect me to call you in the middle of the night frustrated or confused. Expect me to keep your wife for an unknown time to watch my kids and clean my house, or at least until you demand her back.(DAD) And expect me to think of more things to need help with later because I am emotionally, physically, and spiritually tired. I pray that sleep comes tonight, and tomorrow will be a good day. I love you all.
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