Okay, everyone, I am in need of some advice that might help me step away from what I perceive to be best for me to decide what's best for my boys. Here is the scenario... I have applied to Syracuse University to work for my PhD. Ken and I want to move back towards Camden so I am closer to SU and he is next to work. Both of us driving over an hour and 15 minutes twice a day doesn't work in any scenario in my head. So...
Scenario 1: I have the boys during the week Monday through Thursday or Friday and bring them up so Jessic and Tammy can see them on the weekends, encouraging Jessic to drive them back on Monday's to Camden Elementary so he can speak with teachers if he'd like. I would be around for the education afterschool needs more this way, and also would make sure I'm available holidays and snow days, but would miss more of the 'just play' time. As an educator, this feels more natural for me, but would mean moving the boys from a district they are comfortable in, where they can see Aunt Sonya and cousins regularly. I would be moving studying time to weekends to juggle everything.
Scenario 2: Jessic and Tammy have the boys Monday through Thursday, and I would ask him to drop them off on Friday. I would have them weekends, bringing them to school Monday mornings which offers me the time to touch base with teachers and so on before flying to school. Adds driving time, but oh well - the little snots are worth it. This leaves afterschool needs in Jessic's court with little from me, leaving me study time during the week after classes. I would do whatever I could to leave weekends for the boys. I get play time, and can do some reading and project work with them, but it feels like I would be having them for less time.
Problems I can see - Jessic will want Scenario 2 as he works Friday and Saturday nights and sees no reason to alter that. He will most likely balk at having to drive them anywhere and will insist I do the driving both ways.
If I go with Sceanrio 2, I will indeed feel as if I have lost valuable school time with them, and I worry they will feel I 'abandoned them' for school work of my own. I will also want them all weekend, which does feel like I've stolen Jessic's play time with them - when will he do outings with them? Is that really my concern?
I want Scenario 1 because I feel that being a mom means doing homework and tucking into bed to get ready for school the next day, but is moving them to a new school the best thing for them when I could suck it up and have them every weekend and be a mom that way? Any advice is welcome - I can't separate what's best for me from what will truly be best for them - so bring the comments on ;-)
